How To Survive Infidelity And Save Your Marriage.
What is the trigger for an extramarital affair?
An affair may be sexual in character or it could simply be a matter of infatuation with another member of the opposite or same gender. The beginnings of such “affairs” can more often than not be traced back to some aspect of a marital relationship that is dysfunctional for one reason or another. An extramarital affair is one of the 3 most serious issues affecting a marriage. It involves breaking the most sacred of trusts between a couple. As a result, most marriages are not capable of surviving infidelity.
There are chiefly 7 major reasons (or excuses) given by the offending spouse for indulging in an illicit affair. They are:
1. Our communication problems are making our marriage impossible.
2. I just gave into temptation.
3. I was upset because my partner and I hadn’t had sex for a long time.
4. It was just on one occasion and happened after I had too much to drink.
5. I have renewed my relationship with my ex.
6. No intimacy at home because of frequent business trips away.
7. My spouse’s constant ill health means very limited opportunities for sexual intimacy.
It is quite likely that some of the above may be in the too hard basket. However if a couple really are determined to restore their once loving relationship and the innocent partner is prepared to make an effort to heal the hurt then surviving the infidelity will be made all that much easier. There are some matters though that need to be considered, namely:
- If the innocent spouse has had sexual relations with their marriage partner since the beginning of the affair, then it would be wise to have a medical examination to determine whether there are any health issues that require medical treatment. This is a matter that shouldn’t be taken lightly. It is important to determine whether there has been any possible transfer of some kind of sexual disease to an innocent partner.
- The matter of trust also needs to be given careful consideration. Can I trust my spouse again after what they have done to me and our family?
- Is it really feasible for my spouse to break off the affair, or not to be tempted into another extramarital relationship again even if they have promised that they will definitely remain faithful from now on?
- Some serious thought needs to be given to engaging a third party to provide suitable counseling to ensure that there is truly a determination on the part of both spouses to make the marriage work and that solutions and ground rules are firmly in place. It can be quite trying for both the person who has been affected by their partner’s extramarital affair, and the guilty partner, to sort out all the problems associated with this serious matter on their own.
If you are the innocent party and are really interested in forgiving your partner, and putting your marriage back on track, there may very well be a distinct possibility of achieving this if:
- Your partner voluntarily came clean about the affair to you.
- They are open when grilled about it.
- They have told you that they are repentant for having strayed.
- They have agreed to sever all contact with the other party.
- They have suggested or agreed to be involved in counseling.
An extramarital affair doesn’t have to mean the end of a marriage if you both truly have the desire and the inclination to repair your relationship then marriage reconciliation is well within the bounds of possibility.
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